31 Things

I just celebrated my 31st birthday a couple of days ago, and I was on the road driving to my brother's place to spend a couple of days, and I SO wanted to write a birthday post.  Sometimes I am overcome by the urge to just WRITE but I left my journal at home, and it has been a busy couple of days with family,  so writing had to wait. It's good too, because I thought of a format for this post in the meantime. A list of sorts to share a bit more about me and the things I have learned and experienced over my life. Maybe it is cheesy, maybe it is predictable, maybe no one give two poops about what I write, but I do what I want.

So here are 31 things.

1. Jesus is the real deal. It isn't enough to say I believe in God. Jesus really lived, really loved, and really lives again.  I know because I have seen Him work in my life and the life of people around me. The Holy Spirit moves and I have experienced Him and you can stop reading now if you want because I have just finished saying the most important thing I can say anyway.

2.  When I was a kid, I loved to eat sour cream and onion chips and bananas together. The. Best.

3. I am the middle kid and the only girl in my family. So it kinda worked out. I have the middle kid sarcasm and fight, but I also got my own room quicker.

4. I have learned things are not black and white. I used to hold people to a very high standard (especially young people I mentored) but I did it without grace. I still hold the high standard, but I understand now that I don't reach it either, and we need to cut some slack sometimes. Grace is Devine.

5.  I really am not interested in professional sports. I feel like it is a huge waste of resources. And sports talk radio makes me want to gouge out my eyes.

6. Plants are way cool.

7. I often feel guilty about what I am not doing. I have been given so much and I am so blessed, but I am not using my time, talents and resources to their full capacity and I have guilt about it.

8. I am an android user but am seriously considering going iPhone next time my contract comes up.

9. If you are a woman, I strongly believe you should read Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge. And if your a dude, Wild at Heart by John Eldridge.

10. I love to fish. I haven't really done it since high school, and most of my success was sheer luck, but I'm hoping to take it up again soon and actually learn more about it.

11. You are not in control.

12. It's ok.

13. What is real social justice? I struggle with this idea and the practice of it. I am passionate about it but it is so easy to mess up. (Yet also so easy to do right.)

14. I am an attachment parenter. At least I swing that direction on the pendulum. And I am not sorry about it. My gut tells me it is right for me and my kiddo(s) so that is how I do.

15. I used to be drawn in by the "show." Now it makes me wary.

16. Brain research. Do some.

17. I used to want to be a doctor. Maybe a pediatric surgeon. But in high school I decided I wasn't smart enough and l didn't pursue it.

18. I never thought of myself as creative, since most of my drawing looks like it was done by a skilled 8 year old, but I have found my creativity comes out in more tactile exploits like gardening and knitting and pottery.

19. Baby buns are the cutest thing on the face of the Earth.

20. Once my dad gave me a thumbs up.

21. Honey mustard.

22. The only thing I am anal about is sweeping and mopping the floor.  Not about how often it happens, but that it is done in a certain fashion.

23. I find the vast amount of hair I lose on a daily basis disconcerting.

24. I am unorganized, late and I make last minute plans. It doesn't mean I don't care.

25. I want to travel everywhere. I hope one day we can live abroad for a year as a family.

26. I find there is nothing so magnetic and enlivening as natural light, weather it is from the sun, moon or stars, I want it pouring through my windows or I want to be in it, soaking it up.

27. Once, when I was a teen, my "pseudo family," who have given me so much in my life, needed me to babysit when the mom got viral meningitis. I had also been invited to go round up cows with my neighbour the same weekend and his hot grandson was going to be there, so I talked myself into believing I was just protecting myself from infection and didn't go babysit. I have regretted this selfish decision ever since, but I never apologized to them for it. I am still meaning to.

28. Just do the right thing.

29. Amaretto is my favorite liqueur.

30. When you compromise on your central guiding principles, you cheapen them to the point of appearing worthless.

31. My husband deserves more credit, praise and affirmation than I give him. He really does his best for me and our family and I just want to acknowledge his hard work, care and presence.  Thank-you.

So Many Good Things...

Monday was a good day. Even a great day! I was so pleased with Monday. I made pancakes for just me and the babe. Which means I had a bag of leftover pancakes in the fridge ready to slam into the toaster at a moment's notice. SCORE! This breakfast win was accompanied by a calm, sunny, and warm day. If you follow my Instagram, you will know what a feat that is for this town. It was so nice that I took my one year old out, set her on the lawn and started doing some raking. Yard work is not something everyone likes to do, but for me - it helps me to really feel connected to the place I am. I love being able to see the progress of a garden, even just a small one, and the sense of peace and life a few green things can bring to a space always leaves me in awe and breathing easier.

After having a baby last spring, my front door garden had gotten away from me at our old house. I was so relieved and excited to get to work in it once my energy was up and I was willing to put baby down for naps!

This is the after photo - once I cleaned out the dead material and weeds and was working on adding a little brick path. Also, the lilacs help make the scene a little more appealing. By the end of the summer, I had quite a front door garden complete with about a half a dozen tomatoes to harvest and two home grown cucumbers!

I am the most amateur of amateur gardeners, but I will hopefully put some pictures up of my yard this year as we begin to make the space our own - and fruitful! I loved our last front door garden so much, but the new yard is so BIG! and full of potential with hills and mulchy places and a big sprawling willow tree - I think it will become a very beautiful and interesting place to be as we work on it in the months and years to come.

The gardening, however, doesn't last long when you have a newly walking one year old who decides she is comfortable enough to go exploring the very hilly yard complete with cement steps. So my pile of twigs and dead grass is presently still sitting on the lawn, killing the new grass trying to grow under it. You must understand; we HAD to go exploring, throw dirt, find (and bite) rocks, pick grass. These things are essential.

After spending too long outside and having a hangry baby, we made a quick lunch and retreated to "the big bed" for our afternoon nap.

Naps, my friends, are essential. They are what gets a one year old and her pregnant mama through the day. Every day. It doesn't even matter how well we slept the night before. Nap. My husband said it best: "sleep when you can." Because you never know what may be in store for you the coming night (this is a literary technique known as foreshadowing.) I like to think of it as "being fully present" or "living in the moment" or even "carpe diem!" Because let's be honest, if you don't just acknowledge how extremely tired pregnant/nursing/running after a toddler tired really is - you will die. Fact. Don't try to do anything fancy like the lunch dishes. Just go have a nap.

And, oh luxury of luxuries, as I was laying in my bed with my little bah-bah snoozing away, I had the time for some devotions. I know that this is a place where I fall so very short in, and that my time in the Word should be the most important thing I do every single day but, my friends, I fail at this. It is not a secret. I admit it. However, I took some time on Monday to settle into the daily readings, read some reflections and listen to the podcast from pray-as-you-go.org. Which I LOVE. Not only are the reflections top drawer, they are all done in Scottish accents. You guys. Jesus and Scottish accents. For real.

Henry Ossawa Tanner "Study for Nicodemus Visiting Jesus" 1899

 ....... Anyway, the gospel reading was from John 3:1-8 where Nicodemus meets with Jesus at night and Jesus speaks of being born of the Spirit. And the Spirit met with me there in my snugly bed with my baby snoozing. It was so great, because I felt more in tune with the Spirit in the past couple of days than I have in a while. I have been trying to feel where the Spirit is blowing me through the day - and even when I am not sure how things are going to turn out, listening and responding sure does make life more interesting.

We rounded out the afternoon with a quick visit to Daddy who was coaching and a shopping trip for groceries and the baby essentials: diapers, a new ball and tank tops for mama. They were racer back tanks, you guys. My favourite. I've basically had the same wardrobe since high school. I'm not sorry.


When we were leaving Wal-Mart (I'm not proud I shop there, but I live in a really small town with few options - I know, I know. It makes me a little sick too and I will try to solve this life issue with prayer and fasting.) there were a couple of hippies with a white dog and a sign telling all who drove by of their broke, travelling, hungry woes. So when I got to the grocery store, I bought a few extra things I thought travelling hippies might find useful (secretly I wish I were a travelling hippy) with the intention of heading back to the parking lot at Wal-ly World with gifts to send them on their way slightly better nourished.

Of course they were AWOL when I went back for them. You know what they say, "There's no rest for travelling hippies." So - I let the Spirit blow me to our "downtown", which is only about 4 blocks from my house, where I found a couple of local guys who hang out down there. I'm not sure if they are technically homeless, I haven't lived here long enough to know everyone's story, but they fit the bill of a couple of guys who could use a little extra nourishment. So I handed over the groceries. Actually, in all fairness, as I was buying things for the hippies, I was thinking to myself about what real social justice is. Am I just blessing the blessed by handing over groceries to a couple who is travelling the country? I mean, I don't doubt they were travelling on a nothing budget, (I have this thing about trusting everyone's word at face value - call it a flaw, I am glad I live this way) I know people who have. And I don't know their story, why they are on the road like they are, but why am I so willing to help people who are living one of my dreams, but so much less willing to drop $30 for groceries for the dudes down my block who REALLY need to see some love in the world? Anyway - Social Justice. Something I need to write a whole post about sometime.

BUT the great day doesn't end there! I ate a bowl of no name Frosted Flakes for supper when I got home, ditched my fam-jam and went to a MOVIE!!!! All by myself. But it was great. Like I said, I am 4 blocks from down town (half the town is) so it took me about 5 minutes to walk to the theater that was showing a Canadian film, Big News from Grand Rock, hosted by our Allied Arts Council.

The director, Daniel Perlmutter, was there all the way from Toronto, to open the film for us and answered questions at the end. I walked home after in my flippy flops enjoying the beautiful spring evening; full of popcorn and fountain Coke. :)  All was truly right with the world.

The blurry evidence of the beautiful weather.

The bustling Monday evening night life in my small town.

This beautiful spring day, filled with things I love and enjoy, came to an end with a basically sleepless night, a sick and disgruntled toddler, and a 5 am chat with Ralph on the big white telephone where I got to relive my large bag of popcorn and my once delicious fountain pop. All good things must come to an end I guess....

....and just wondering, does it take anyone else DAYS to write, edit and post a blog post that is just about one day of activities? Sheesh!

Peace!

Holy Week.

Let me be real. I failed at Lent. I not only caved on my no sugar/sweeteners commitment, but I was also supposed to be reading Isaiah with a dear friend and sharing notes and thoughts on Facebook with her, but have gone totally AWOL in that department too. I used to use this phase with students on special occasions, but seriously Wynder: Sucks to suck.

Now Lent is not over; here I am finding myself in in the week of preparation for the biggest, most significant event in Christianity - in history! - and even though I utterly failed God in the self-denial department (I have a huge sack of mini eggs on the counter), I have found he is no further away. Sometimes I get blown away (again and again actually) when I get into a space where I feel like I am not living up to my end of the faith bargain, to find the closeness and faithfulness of God does not, in fact, have anything to do with me. Weird. Don't get me wrong, you theological sticklers,  I am not saying I cannot move myself or my heart to a place of hardness and unfaithfulness. I can, and unfortunately do. What I'm saying is that no matter where I position myself, it has no bearing on the character of God - which is grace and mercy (and so much more my tiny brains cannot comprehend).

So even with the residue of Cadbury milk chocolate still on my tongue, with a repentant heart, and in earnest humility, I can still come and sit at the feet of my Lord, with my tears for anointing and my messy hair as a towel. He is so close by. I only need to turn my eyes from myself, and look at His face instead. No words are necessary. There is quite, and that is where He is asking me to dwell.

Why have I gone through a week of tears and exhaustion and frustration instead of sitting silently at the feet of Jesus?

Do I really get so easily distracted by me? When I clearly have lived this lesson over and over and over? Why won't I learn already?

I don't know about you, but I find this whole dying to self thing REALLY FREAKING HARD.

So, while I take some time with Jesus, and try to walk through this week with Him, how about you? How is your Lenten journey wrapping up? Do you have a story to share?  An insight for me? Let's walk this out together!

Peace.